When siblings don't help with an aging parent

How do we hold a family meeting about a parent's care?

October 19, 2026

Include everyone who is or will be part of the care, send an agenda ahead, and end with each person knowing what they've agreed to do.

The Family Caregiver Alliance’s guidance, in its words:

• Who. “It is important to include everyone who is or will be part of the caregiving team.” That can include a family friend, a neighbor or a paid caregiver.
• An agenda. “Prior to a meeting, you’ll find it helpful to prepare an agenda,” sent ahead so others can add to it.
• A facilitator, sometimes. “It is also sometimes helpful to engage the help of an outside facilitator,” such as a social worker or minister, for difficult subjects.
• Ground rules. “All feelings are appropriate and need to be expressed and acknowledged,” and each person should use “I” messages. Explore the issues before trying to solve them.
• The end. Each person “understands what he/she has agreed to do.”
• Again. “Family meetings need to take place regularly,” each with “a definite beginning and ending time.” Someone who can’t come is kept in touch by phone, mail or email.

What to bring

A short summary of how your parent has been and what’s coming up: appointments, medicine changes, what still needs doing. It keeps the meeting on facts rather than impressions.

More questions caregivers ask

• How do siblings split caregiving for a parent?
• What if siblings disagree about a parent's care?
• My siblings won't help with our parent. What can I do?
• All the questions

From Centis, a free care notebook you talk to. Practical notes, with the Family Caregiver Alliance’s own words where they’re quoted.