When siblings don't help with an aging parent
How do siblings split caregiving for a parent?
By what each person can do, not by equal shares. The Family Caregiver Alliance suggests dividing tasks by abilities, life pressures and freedom.
The Family Caregiver Alliance suggests you “divide tasks according to individual abilities, current life pressures and personal freedoms.” Its family meeting guide adds that “there is probably no fair distribution of work,” so aiming for equal shares can stall everything.
Ways to divide it
- By task: one person handles medicines and appointments, another the bills and insurance, another the house.
- By time: a fixed afternoon or weekend each, so the main caregiver gets a break.
- By distance: the sibling nearby does what needs a person in the room; those far away take what doesn’t: what they can do.
Write it down
The Alliance says that at the end of a family meeting “each person understands what he/she has agreed to do,” and that a written agreement “can be a helpful reminder for family members.”
More questions caregivers ask
- How do we hold a family meeting about a parent's care?
- How can a sibling who lives far away help?
- Why does one sibling end up doing all the caregiving?
- All the questions
From Centis, a free care notebook you talk to. Practical notes, with the Family Caregiver Alliance’s own words where they’re quoted.
Further reading
- Caregiving and sibling relationships: challenges and opportunities (opens in a new tab), from the Family Caregiver Alliance
- Holding a Family Meeting (opens in a new tab), from the Family Caregiver Alliance