When siblings don't help with an aging parent
Why does one sibling end up doing all the caregiving?
It's common. The Family Caregiver Alliance says that generally one sibling takes on the main role, often the one who lives closest to the parent.
The Family Caregiver Alliance says: “Generally, one sibling takes on the primary role of caring for a loved one. This may be because he or she lives closest to a parent.” And: “Most often though, discord surfaces from the unequal division of caregiving duties.”
Sometimes it’s denial. The Alliance notes that a sibling who keeps their distance “may be protecting themselves from facing a parent’s eventual death and their own loss.”
Often it just happens: whoever was nearest when it started kept going, and nobody ever decided. Deciding together now, and writing it down, can change it: how to split the care.
More questions caregivers ask
- How do siblings split caregiving for a parent?
- Is it normal to resent a sibling who doesn't help?
- My siblings won't help with our parent. What can I do?
- All the questions
From Centis, a free care notebook you talk to. Practical notes, with the Family Caregiver Alliance’s own words where they’re quoted.
Further reading
- Caregiving and sibling relationships: challenges and opportunities (opens in a new tab), from the Family Caregiver Alliance