When siblings don't help with an aging parent
Is it normal to resent a sibling who doesn't help?
Yes. The Family Caregiver Alliance says caring for a parent can reopen old wounds between siblings, and that unequal work is the most common cause of discord.
The Family Caregiver Alliance says that when siblings care for a parent, “past wounds are reopened and childhood rivalries reemerge,” sometimes “recreating old dynamics of competition and resentment.” It also says that “most often though, discord surfaces from the unequal division of caregiving duties.”
Feeling resentment doesn’t make you a bad sibling or a bad caregiver. More often it points at something real: you’re carrying more than your share. Changing the share can help more than changing the feeling: how to split the care.
If it’s weighing on you, talking to someone helps: free places to talk, any hour. And resenting the caregiving itself is common too.
More questions caregivers ask
- What if a sibling refuses to help at all?
- Why does one sibling end up doing all the caregiving?
- What if siblings disagree about a parent's care?
- All the questions
From Centis, a free care notebook you talk to. Practical notes, with the Family Caregiver Alliance’s own words where they’re quoted.
Further reading
- Caregiving and sibling relationships: challenges and opportunities (opens in a new tab), from the Family Caregiver Alliance