When siblings don't help with an aging parent
What if a sibling refuses to help at all?
You can't make them. The Family Caregiver Alliance suggests getting help from elsewhere so you can rest, and trying to forgive them, for your own sake.
You can ask, show what’s needed and invite them in, but you can’t make them. The Family Caregiver Alliance says: “If siblings are unable to help with care, seek other assistance to provide a respite for yourself.”
Help that doesn’t depend on them
- Respite care near your parent: someone steps in so you can rest.
- Free help in the US, by what you need: local services, Medicare questions, dementia support.
- Time off work under the FMLA, if you qualify.
For your own sake
The Alliance also suggests: “Try to forgive family members who continue to refuse to get involved in a loved one’s care.” Forgiving isn’t agreeing. It can just mean putting down the waiting, so your energy goes to your parent and to yourself.
More questions caregivers ask
- Is it normal to resent a sibling who doesn't help?
- My siblings won't help with our parent. What can I do?
- How can a sibling who lives far away help?
- All the questions
From Centis, a free care notebook you talk to. Practical notes, with the Family Caregiver Alliance’s own words where they’re quoted.
Further reading
- Caregiving and sibling relationships: challenges and opportunities (opens in a new tab), from the Family Caregiver Alliance
- Find a Respite Provider (opens in a new tab), from the ARCH National Respite Network